on the day you were born

16 years ago, on this date, around this time, i delivered my first child.
but i was not a happy mother......
 the delivery was unexpectedly, undescribably painful...
i did not deliver normally as i had hoped....
i was tired and confused...

i did not get to see my baby until the next day
when my husband showed me the baby........
i was...slightly dissapointed..
he was not like the babies shown on magazines..
chubby and pinkish and cute
instead he was small and thin and...dark?
why is he dark? neither me or my husband is dark...

when i finally hold him up
i noticed he had a silver line in his left lens...
could it be......?? naahh....must be the light...

and , finally on my second day of op
i was told the bad news
he indeed had cataract on one eye
but, why?
why?
why?

and so...this first time mum..
went here and there
asking opinions and second opinions
going from one doctor to the other
the pain from the op surprisingly not felt...

and so they say
nothing can be done
your child will have to live with it
and my heart sank

a poor inept first time mum
a 'handicapped' baby

i wanted to give him only the best
no formula feeds, only breast milk
my idealism brought me stress
to the depth that i never knew
could happen to me

left alone, with very little support
there were times...
i am embarassed to admit
i wanted to hurt the baby....

many years later,
looking back
i have to admit
i was probably having the post partum blues....


i looked up to my Lord
and asked Him....quietly
(for i was scared...is it permissible to say these..)

oh..my LOrd
when i was pregnant
there were 3 wishes
that i asked from you...

as i read surah Maryam-i prayed you will make my delivery easy
as you did Mother Maryam
but you did not.......................

as i read surah Yusof_i prayed you make my child beautiful and healthy
just as Yusof is beautiful
but you did not......................

Now , i pray o Lord
that with all your Rahmah
please grant my third wish

when i was pregnant with this child of mine 16 years ago
i read surah Lokman
and i prayed he will be given Hikmah
and i prayed he will be amongst the solehin
i prayed that he will my Qurratu-a'yun
i prayed that he will bring joy to my heart
on the day that i will need it most
i prayed silently too,
that he will have a golden voice
so he could read me the quran-ul-kareem
and make my heart light

Ya Allah,
i am full of redho
if you had not granted my earlier wishes...

but my third wish
O Allah.....
i asked for nothing else
do grant me my third wish
as i remember this day

when my firrst son was born...

ameen

etiquette of a slave

something happened yesterday which compelled me to write this piece.
a pregnant lady came to my clinic yesterday, very heavily pregnant with her first child. She was already about 7 months plus.
As usual i examined and did a scan for her. Then just before discharging her, she told me, " doktor, saya masih belum berhenti merokok lagi.....". Immediately i knew she must be a heavy smoker, for most mothers who were smokers quit (at least for a while) while they were pregnant. They knew that nicotine is harmful to the baby. She told me she had been smoking for 18 years since after SPM. what concerns me is that she doesn't sound remorseful and i doubt if she will try very hard to stop smoking.

what has this got to do with the title "etiquette of a slave?"

lets share this story which i read from "Tarbawi-titled..mengamputasi kesalahan tanpa alas kaki"
Its about a man called Basyar al Hafi. Al hafi in Arab means without a sandal/slipper. He got this name from an incident which changed him to become a noble and respected scholar till today.
His story started when one day as usual he was with friends having a 'beer party' at his house. suddenly , somebody knocked the door and his servant opened the daoor. he saw from afar that the man asked his servant something; then went away. He was bogged with curiosity and asked his servant what the man had said. his servant said,
'the man asked whether you are a slave or a free man, and i told him you are a free man, and then he said..no wonder, if he is a slave, he would know the ettiquettes of a slave.."
Just hearing this simple statement made him feel very uneasy and he went after the man, in such a hurry lest he missed him, he forgot to put on his slippers on one of the hottest day.
when he met the mysterious man, Basyar asked the man to repeat what he said and the man repeated..."if you are a slave, you would know the etiquette of a slave" repeated the man.
Hearing the words again for the second time, Basyar fell to the grounds and put his cheeks to the earth moaning..."I am a slave...I am a slave...I am not a free man......"

Since then he is a changed man. He became a known scholar and was zuhud towards the world. since then too, he never puts on his slippers. When asked for the reason, he said, " I was straightened by an old soleh man while not wearing slippers and i will continue to be in this way till i die"

That's the true story of Basyar al Hafi...he was able to stop a habit that had been with him for many years once he realised he is a slave of Allah..and a slave has etiquettes that he need to fulfill. Basyar was able to 'amputate' his problems before it became worse.

lets start being slaves to Allah in its fullest meaning..as a slave...in full submission...'amputate' any habit you know that exist in yourself which your Lord dislikes..stop being a slave in some matters and keeping a part of yourself as a 'free' man-for, Wallahi-you are not a free man! You are a slave of Allah.

pain is a mind game

since i started working last week, i noted that i subconsciously categorize many things as 'firsts'. First patient i saw in clinic, first delivery, first early morning being woken up for delivery etc..etc. Today i have another first. First surgery and a major one too. I had no choice, the patient who,s an Arab lady, would like to do the surgery while her mother is here visiting her.So there you go, again doctor sacrifices herself so as to fit patient's schedule.
I had my doubts initially. I am barely off the crutches and here i am about to perform a hysterectomy (ie removal of the uterus), which may well take 2 hours to finish. Can i 'stand' it? (pun intended)
I already made a mental note, if i ever find that i was getting tired or my ankle is hurting,i will call my big brother dr ashar to come down and help me. Already , i have asked a few people to make doa for me. As usual , if i have a major op and i feel it could be difficult, i will ask my dear hubby to make prayers for me.
my anesthetist today is dr hashim, and as usual , when he's in good moods, he will belt out some old songs at the top of his voice.Even whwn the patient was still awake. I had to remind him...bismillah..bismillah.....He said 'tadi dah baca'. And I said, "you nyanyi lagi banyak dari u bismillah". He made a face and kept quiet.
And so the surgery went on for a good 2 hours. I was so focused on the surgery, i didn't notice my ankle at all. In fact I was the one who kept asking my nurse if she was allright, if she has had her breakfast before the op and even offered whether she wanted to sit for a while because she was very quiet and i was corncerned if she was hypoglycaemic.
Up until when the surgery was over, then i started to feel the tingling sensation in my ankle and as i removed my socks, noticed that my leg was all so swollen. Then i started feeling the pain...

My point today is that, pain is actually very much a mind game. When i was so focussed on my surgery, i didn't feel anything. I forgot even about my poor ankle.
So, is it a wonder, when we read seerah sahabiah who was hit by an arrow while he was praying, didnt feel the pain and continue praying. His mind was so focussed on Allah, that he didn't feel the pain.
We also heard some sahabah, eg Tholhah, got hit at 70 places during the war, but he could still fight?
And many many other examples.Some tabien asked surgery to be performed while he was reciting al Quran without the help of anesthesia.

There's a place in our brain which is called 'the pain gate'. When pain sensation comes, the pain gate is open and a person will feel the pain. Why do our pain become less when we put ice pack or hot pack? Because the cold or hot sensation will compete with the pain sensation, so we feel cold or hot instead of pain, and that is preferrable sensation to us instead of pain.

i have read somewhere that people are hypnotizing patients before surgery. So no drugs will be used. That'll be good. But dare i dream that one day our community will be so pious that we only need him or her to read the quran while we perform surgery? That'll be the day!

back to work!

14 july 2009

hari ni hari kedua aku mula bekerja di klinik. Setelah 2 bulan setengah duduk-duduk di rumah. Gembirakah aku pulang bekerja?
mula-mula aku kurang gembira...ya lah, best duduk kat rumah. Banyak benda boleh baca. Bila telefon berdering, kita tahu itu samada famili atau kawan kita yang call. Sekarang ni, kalau dah mula kerja, bila telefon berbunyi, terutama saat kita baru nak relax kat rumah, hati mula berdebar-debar, hospital kut....pendek kata jadi doktor yang kerja kat hospital ni memang takde privasi atau masa sendiri. setiap masa phone kena pastikan ada di sisi, walaupun waktu tidur. Nak pergi mana-mana pun kena pergi dekat-dekat, yang kira-kira kalau ada emergency, boleh cepat-cepat lari. Dah berapa kali juga terjadi, baru sempat jamah sikit, dah kena lari.
Kalau pergi jauh sikit, kenalah berdoa lebih sikit, jangan tiba-tiba ada patient nak beranak pulak. Ataupun minta kawan-kawan tolong cover sekejap. Itulah, masa tu dah bukan milik kita lagi.

memang rasa tak best sangat.....

Tapi hari ni, baru hari kedua masuk kerja, dah pun ada patient bersalin. Doktor jugak. Berkali-kali dia ucap time kasih. Ya lah, kalau tak, tak tentu lagi siapa yang menyambut baby dia, silap-silap doktor lelaki.
Semalam pun patient yang datang muka berseri-seri tengok doktor dia orang dah keje semula. Doktor dia orang je yang muka manis-manis kelat....
Tadi, husband patient Somalia tu beritahu.." doktor, we pray so much for you to get well......"

Ye lah.. Alhamdulillah. Di sini telah ditentukan tempat aku menabur bakti. Di sinilah aku kena teguh berdiri. Jangan pandang kanan dan kiri lagi. (-:

adakah istilah remaja di dalam islam?

Sebenarnya persoalan ini telah lama bermain di benakku. ia bermula sejak aku membaca sebuah artikel terbitan Indonesia yang mempersoalkan kewujudan fasa remaja di dalam istilah dunia Islam.
Beberapa peristiwa yang berlaku akhir-akhir ini menyebabkan aku kembali ingin menyelami semula permasalahan ini.
Kalau mengikut istilah Barat, remaja adalah fasa 13 hingga 18 tahun.( Thirteen to eighteen). Note perkataan 'teen' di situ-lahirlah istilah teenagers.
Secara fisiologi, berlakulah perubahan hormon yang memulakan fasa puberti/baligh yang membawa bersamanya perubahan fizikal dan kematangan akal.
Pakar-pakar psikologi Barat mengiktiraf fasa ini dan mengakui bahawa pada fasa ini berlaku pelbagai kecelaruan emosi, peningkatan nafsu dan kecenderungan kepada jantina berlawanan. Mereka menyarankan ibubapa dan guru untuk cuba memahami anak-anak ini di fasa ini dan memberi ruang kepada mereka pada waktu ini untuk melakukan eksperimen-eksperimen dengan perasaan dan tubuh mereka. Mereka ingin kita bersifat memaafkan dan cuba menerima bahawa segala pertentangan dari norma yang berlaku pada waktu ini adalah 'to be expected' dan 'acceptable'. They are just teenagers. It's normal for teenagers to do that.
Ini adalah ungkapan-ungkapan yang biasa kita dengar.

kalau kita perhatikan sistem pembelajaran kita juga mengikut pembahagian ini iaitu dari 13 tahun hingga 17 tahun adalah fasa sekolah menengah.
Undang-undang kita juga mengikut sistem Barat di mana kita ada juvenille law untuk di bawah umur 18.

Saya pernah bertanya kepada seorang teman yang sedang study Islamic Law. Is there such a thing as juvenille hukum in Islam. I mean if somebody who is 16 commit a crime, is there a special clause in Islam which says that since he is only 16, the hukum is different for him.
kalau sekiranya seorang berumur 32 tahun mencuri dengan sengaja dan setelah dipersetujui dan diselidiki dengan saksama tiada sebab2 lain kenapa ia mencuri, maka hukumannya adalah memotong tangannya. Bagaimana pula kalau yang mencuri itu berumur 16 tahun? Adakah dia akan diadili sama seperti orang dewasa atau adakah dia akan diadili seperti remaja, dengan andaian tentu hukuman untuk remaja lebih 'lenient' atau tidak begitu tegas.
Jawab beliau : Tiada hukum khusus untuk remaja. sebaik sahaja mereka mencapai aqil baligh, bermakna ia akan diadili seperti orang dewasa.

Seperti yang kita semua maklum, semua hukum di dalam Islam terpakai saat seseorang mencapai baligh. Hukum puasa, solat,zakat,nikah,hukum hudud dan lain-lain.Semua hukum-hukum ini bermula saat seseorang mencapai baligh, apakah ketika itu umurnya 15 atau kurang dari itu.

Di dalam Islam, baligh adalah pembezanya. Dosa dan pahala telah pun mula dikira.
Dalam konteks masyarakat Islam sekarang, mereka mudah memahami bila dikait dengan dosa dan pahala. Tetapi, bagaimana dengan tanggapan dan layanan mereka terhadap anak-anak yang sudah aqil baligh?
Kita masih menganggap mereka kanak-kanak kecil selagi mereka masih di bangku sekolah. Kita cuma menganggap mereka dewasa apabila mereka sampai ke universiti. Itupun ada kalanya masih ' di-baby-kan' lagi.
Ada yang mungkin akan berkata, walaupun mereka telah baligh, mereka masih belum matang lagi. mereka masih tidak pandai membuat keputusan.Mereka masih lagi takut dengan gelap.

Samada kita sedari atau tidak, salahnya terletak pada diri kita sendiri. Kita telah tertipu dengan Psikologis dari Barat. Mereka mengatakan, anakmu masih anak-anak lagi. Berilah dia ruang untuk menikmati alam remajanya. Akhirnya kita telat atau terlambat dalam mendidik mereka menjadi dewasa.
Kita tidak membenarkan mereka berbincang dan menyampai pendapat. Kita tidak mengikutsertakan mereka dalam membuat keputusan.Kita sangat memaafkan mereka atas segala kesalahan mereka. Kita dengan taat memberikan belanja mereka setiap hari, mengurus mereka serba serbi. Kita terasa disibukkan kerana kita tiada persediaan untuk mereka menjadi dewasa.

Berapakah umur Usamah bin Zaid ketika ia memimpin pasukan tentera Islam untuk menyerang Rom?
Berapakah umur Muhammad Al Fatih ketika ia memerdekakan Konstatinople?
Berapakah umur dua orang kanak-kanak Muaz dan Muawiz ketika peperangan Badar? Mengapakah rasulullah membenarkan kedua orang anak' remaja' ini untuk berperang? peperangan bukan main-main. Ia satu keputusan besar. Kemungkinan untuk mati atau terluka memang sangat tinggi. Tidak pula kita mendengar cerita Rasulullah meminta izin kedua ibubapa mereka. Tidak pula diriwayatkan keduanya ditahan oleh kedua ibu bapa mereka daripada ikutserta peperangan itu. Bahkan merekalah yang membuat keputusan itu dalam sedar dan berlumba-lumba untuk pergi bersama.

Lihatlah perbezaan besar ini dengan anak-anak sekarang. Bagaimana tidak mungkin Islam berkembang dengan cepat pada waktu dahulu kerana ramainya pemuda-pemuda yang dewasa, yang matang dan boleh membuat keputusan sendiri.

Kita masih di takuk ini, kerana kita selesa memanjakan anak-anak kita dalam dakapan kita.

Aku semakin yakin tiada istilah remaja di dalam Islam.

Berikan ruang untuk anak-anak kita membesar menjadi dewasa, bukan menjadi remaja dan lambat dalam mendewasakan mereka.
 Wallahu'alam

.: Ibu Dibelai, Anak Dibuai :.

HARGA
Malaysia: RM 29.00
Singapore/Brunei: $ 19.00

Doktor Ariza merupakan pakar Obstetrik dan Ginekologi di Hospital Pakar Ampang Puteri, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Beliau juga mengendalikan klinik yang menangani masalah sakit puan, kemandulan dan menjalankan pemeriksaan berkala ibu-ibu mengandung.

Untuk Tempahan atau Pembelian, Sila Hubungi;

Cita Seikhwan Sdn. Bhd
1st Floor, No 54,
Jalan Memanda 9,
Ampang Point
68000 Ampang

Tel: 03-4260 4213
Fax: 03-4260 4212

anakku, tidak cukup aku mencintaimu

anakku

waktu tengahari kelmarin
panasnya begitu menyengat
bahangnya terasa sekali

matahari seolah-olah begitu marah
menyinga dan melontarkan bara

manusia-manusia pun duduk di rumah
melingkar seperti ular sawa
tidak sanggup melangkah keluar

ibu pun duduk-duduk
sambil melayang pandangan ke luar
seolah terlihat wap panas
terbit dari rekahan-rekahan tanah

tiba-tiba engkau muncul anakku
memberikan salam dan senyum manis khusus milikmu
memakai ketayap dan beg sandang birumu
pulang dari solat jamaah dan kuliah agama setiap sabtu

lalu tiba-tiba
kurasa angin semilir bertiup lembut
ada hawa dingin yang masuk
panas menyengat tadi tiba-tiba hilang
hati ibu terasa ringan...

ada air yang terbit dari hujung mata ibu
ingin kupeluk dirimu saat kau mencium tanganku

anakku,
moga Allah memberkatimu
moga Allah sentiasa memeliharamu
kerana mendatangkan untuk ibu
saat-saat bahagia seperti ini..

cukup mudah membahagiakan seorang ibu tua
sekiranya engkau tetap dan kukuh di atas jalanNya
ibu tidak peduli apa-apa
ibu akan rela pergi dengan menutup mata
penuh redha....